So today i finally found the balls to speak up and say im not being used any more! It felt good for all of 2 seconds. 

For months now ive had a friend who ive been friends with for yrs and lately ive questioned that friendship. 

Its always been a case of feeling like im wanted when it suits and dumped when it doesnt ive put up with it and kept quiet about how i feel. 

My feelings have been brewing for a while and ive kept a lid on them not wanting to rock the boat but today saw that boat capsize!

Ive always been the one to bail in and routinly have said friends kids even when ive been at my lowest and struggling theres been no offer of a break from having the added stress of caring for her kids. Its felt like its either not noticed that im struggling or that they notice but dont care enough to thing about what may help me and not themselves. 

Ive hopefully raised my kids to know right from wrong and to speak to others with respect, not to swear and not to bully. If this has made them sensitive to others when they speak in that manner to them then thats fine with me as atleast i know they respect others. 

So today saw daid friends kids knocking for my daughter to play out and as soon as she got out there she recieved a mouth full that they didnt want to play with her and they only wanted her dad to fix there bikes. This then upset her and ahe came in upset. I also herd the kids saying this to her so i know it wasnt just kids tittle tattle. I approached the kids and said that wasnt nice only to recieve a aggressive response of well we dont want to play with her and shes not allowed outside with us. I then proceeded to ask my friend to have a word with her kids about it not being nice and how it had upset my daughter only to be met with the response that my daughter shouldnt be so sensitive. 

Normally i would have just accepted this reaponse and not wanted to cause a fuss. But today i had had enough im sick of never saying what i think or feel for fear of upsetting others and for holding it in and letting it eat away at me. Today i snapped i could no longer hold back how i felt. 

No child should have to feel upset by friends yes i understand that all kids have squabbles and i believe in letting them sort it out for them selves but when its repeatedly and upsets them so deeply it needs a parents intervention. 

This time i sent the reply ive wanted to send for so long the text ive written numerous times and never sent! I replyed with not being suprised my daughter was upset and i would be to had i been spoken to like that and i was sick of it always being blamed on my child being to sensitive. As you can imagine this didnt go down well! But i stuck with it i put my point accross and said all ive ever wanted to say. I didnt back down for the sake of keeping the peace. I stated i would no longer be hosting a weekly crèche and wouldnt be used when it suited any more. 

For a brief minute it felt good i had said all i have wanted to for a long while i had removed the pressure and stress of the weekly struggle of coping with said friends kids i had stood up for my daughter and how i believe kids should have respect for others. Just as quickly as i felt that it was gone! Replaced by anxiety of what had i done i had broken a freindship i had rocked the boat i had gone way out of my comfort zone! 

So now im left feeling that ive lost a friend ive caused my self even more anxiety and ive cut off a life line to the outside world. Why do i feel like this? For a while now its been a friendship of convenience for them and ive let them see me in that light. 

So the question is… is this a step forward in facing what contributes to my stress and anxiety or is it a step backwards by cutting off another link to the outside world! If only i knew how this will pan out b4 i sent that text. 

3 thoughts on “Finally standing up for myself!! 

  1. I think it’s a step in the right direction. You don’t need that in your life and your child needs to see a strong parent who will always have their back. It’s very brave, which means it’s scary.
    For all of us dealing with anxiety, if you can do something about a stressful relationship, you should do it. Save your anxiety for the things you can’t control.
    xx Patricia


    1. Thankyou hun. When you sugfer with anxiety you question everything and always over analyse every situation. A mothers instict is to protect there child and i may well over protect at times but would rather over protect and them know i care than under protect. Thankyou for taking the time to comment x

      Liked by 1 person

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