So tonight i have a invite out! Ive been looking forward to it all week. Its only a girly night in at a neighbours house but its a night out.
The trouble is ive woken up this morning full of anxiety and panic. Worrying about the most stupid of things. What happens if i have a panic attack while there how embarrasing that will be in front of everyone. Therea going to be lots of people in a confined space something i struggle with even on a good day!
So now my head is swimming with anxiety and i dont want to go.
Im so fed up of being the friend that always bails out at the last minute of nights out and get togethers and never once have i bailed out by admitting its due to anxiety. Ive used every excuse going, the kids are ill, the hubbys late home, im ill, ive got no money, and on several occasions ive not even let friends know ive just not turned up and ignored there calls and texts asking where i am!
My close friends know i suffer with anxiety so why dont i feel i can tell them its through anxiety ive not attended. Part of me feels they just dont get it they dont understand the control it has over me, another part of me feels they would be talking behind my back at how pathetic i am.
I want to do these things i want to be social i want to take part in these get togethers but i just cant over come the anxiety to actually go.
So now im spending the day on edge and paniky. Trying to think of what excuse i can use to get out of tonights get together when all i want to do is scream its anxiety but know that wont be the excuse i use.