Todays proving to be a hard day, i feel frustrated, anxious and tearful. Yesterday i managed to achieve something i havnt done in a very long while. I popped in to a shop well i literally rushed in grabed one item paid and ran out again. It was a spur of the moment decision so i hadnt had time to build up anxiety about it. Yet in the minute it took to run in and out the painc came i literally tgrew the money at the cashier couldnt make eye contact and ran out. A few hours after doing this i felt great i had achieved something ive not done in ages and most of all i had survived it. I went to bed thinking this is the way forward things are improving how wrong i was! 

Today i woke up in a state of panic and havnt been able to shake it off. I have no clue why i feel like this what has happened to change how i felt when i fell asleep to how i felt when i woke. I mean i was asleep and had actually even had a good nights sleep to. 

Im struggling to keep the panic at bay its taking all my energy to remind myself its just panic. In my head i know its just anxiety it cant do me any halm but as much as i know that the physical symptoms are lingering there! 

In my head i want to get back to doing all the things i enjoy, my head feels in a good place it wants to do things but my body is in the complete opposite place. Its displaying all the physical panic symptoms my breathing is irratic despite that im trying to control it, my vision is distorted, im sweating, im jittery and unable to relax all my muscles feel tight, my legs feel like there going to give way at any second. I know its anxiety doing this i know its the fight or flight theory kicking in yet i cant fight it. Wby is my mind being so positive and wanting to achieve more but my body feeling totaly different why cant my mind gain control of these physical symptoms! I wish i knew the answer i wish i could make my mind stronger and over rule my body but today i cant. 

Ive spent the morning trying to fight and am now exhausted so have given in reclused myself to the safety of the sofa and doing nothing, in the effort to get the physical symptoms to calm down. 

Laying here i just feel frustrated. Frustrated that i cant control my own body, frustrated that i want to do more but cant find the fight to do it and most of all frustrated with this anxiety! 

One thought on “When your minds willing but your body isnt. 

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